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DAE feel completely disgusted, humiliated, and uncomfortable by sexual intercourse, no matter how horny they are?

2022.01.21 22:48 chizu33 DAE feel completely disgusted, humiliated, and uncomfortable by sexual intercourse, no matter how horny they are?

Although I am a virgin, I still have a pretty moderate libido and I masturbate pretty regularly with the help of porn/hentai/erotica.
Moaning makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, in a humiliated sort of way. This could be due to being exposed to some toxic beliefs, but I always have this vision that sex is just a man's way of humiliating and degrading a woman. Whenever I hear moaning (from a woman), it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and violated. All I can think in that moment is "Wow she's letting herself get used for his pleasure, and I'm sure he's having a great time having his way with her body. And on top of that, she's being so loud in showing her submission to this man. If I were her, I'd be so humiliated and embarrassed that I'm in such a compromising position with a man lording over me." I don't literally think this word-for-word, but that's my general sentiment.
For some reason I have this subconscious belief that whenever men have sex, all they're thinking about in that moment is how this woman is such a whore and slut and how they love degrading her for their own pleasure. For some reason I can't wrap my head around the fact that men can actually respect the women they are having sex with. I always think that secretly, every man relishes in having sex because they get to humiliate and disrespect some naked girl and fuck her hole. And that when they look back on those memories, they laugh at how much of a shameless whore she is and that they got away with using her.
This makes me feel deeply uncomfortable and I feel wary around my male friends who are sexually active because all I can think about is that they are imagining me naked and thinking about me in weird vulnerable positions. I feel like now that they have seen and used a girl's body, they just hold contempt for and laugh at all women because now they know how humiliated every girl gets at some point in her life (being put in weird positions for a man's pleasure, seeing her sexual parts, moaning while they touch her).
By extension, whenever I think of my female friends who are sexually active, I feel sad for them because I think that men now just think of them as easy sluts who have no self respect and would do anything for a guy, including humiliate themselves by being naked.
I know it's not true but it really makes me sad and it's really hurting my perceptions of sex. I wish I could change my mind but I can't. Does anyone else feel this way? Also I apologize if my post is offensive, I'm sure it is because I'm just regurgitating very sexist double standards. But I just can't get past this feeling and it's ruining things in my personal life. I wish I could change the way I perceive sex.
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2022.01.21 22:48 jheredia54 OSA diagnosed six years after EAS

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